We all do it – compare ourselves to those around us. That colleague who always speaks up confidently in meetings, the friend who runs their own business, the neighbor who has the perfect garden and somehow always looks put-together.
It’s natural to notice these people and wonder what they’re doing differently. We’re wired to be curious about how others navigate life. But somewhere along the way, that casual observation can turn into something exhausting: spending way too much mental energy wondering why you aren’t like them.
The Thing About Unique Gifts
When you focus too much on why you’re not like someone you admire, you start treating your own life like it’s not sufficient. Your natural strengths feel inadequate, your unique perspective feels like it’s missing something, and your particular way of moving through the world feels not quite enough.
But you aren’t them, and they aren’t you. Your gifts are completely different from theirs, and that’s not something to feel competitive about – it’s something to appreciate.
Think about it like this: that friend who runs their own business might wish they had your ability to work well within a team structure. That colleague who speaks up confidently might genuinely admire your thoughtful listening skills. That neighbor with the perfect garden might wish they had your creativity in other areas.
You can’t compare your unique gifts to someone else’s unique gifts any more than you can compare a symphony to a painting. They’re both beautiful, but they’re completely different forms of art.
Yesterday’s You vs. Today’s You
What if the only person you needed to be better than was who you were yesterday? Not in a dramatic, life-overhaul kind of way, but in small, intentional ways that actually make sense for who you are and where you’re going.
When you compare yourself to who you were yesterday, you’re working with complete information. You know your starting point, your struggles, your small victories, and your unique circumstances. You can actually see progress, even when it’s subtle.
The beautiful thing about this approach is that progress doesn’t require becoming someone else. You just need to make small adjustments that move you closer to who you want to be. These small shifts might seem insignificant, but they’re actually building blocks of becoming more yourself, not less.
Your Path Forward
I have the privilege of working with quite a few college students and other (young) volunteers. One of the things that I like to stress to them is their unique gifts. At times, I don’t think they are aware of their gift(s) or give them much consideration at this stage in their lives. I do. I see it. It comes from a significant amount of life experience. The more you feel well-grounded in your gifts, the less comparison that people will do on social media or other venues.
What if you appreciated that person you admire for their unique gifts without feeling like you need to compete with them? What if you asked yourself what one small thing you can do today that moves you closer to who you want to become?
You have a unique role to fill in this life, and it’s not to be someone else. The world doesn’t need another version of the person you admire. It needs the first version of you – and the only way to judge how you’re doing at that is by comparing yourself to who you were yesterday.
