Striking a balance between the stories we tell ourselves and letting the stories drive parts of our lives is not easy. Stories matter. Our belief in ourselves often come from stories. They hold so many of our values.
For some people and some stories… we hold on too long and for the wrong reasons and we can’t grow the way we otherwise would. The first step to moving beyond the stories we tell ourselves? Start catching yourself as soon as you can when you’re spinning your usual tales.
You know that moment when something happens and you immediately jump to an immediate conclusion “This is what is going to happen…” or “This always happens when…”? That’s your cue. You’re not observing anymore – you’re running self-talk on autopilot.
I’m dealing with this right now as I step into moderating our new community classes. Talk about being outside my comfort zone – though honestly, that seems to happen to me more often than I plan for it these days. Like most of us, I tell myself stories that comfort me, and they definitely come into play when something matters this much. Our community is foundational to the programs that we have built.
I keep bouncing between two familiar narratives: the “I’ve got this because I’m prepared and I believe in what we’re doing” story, and the “I’ve never done this before, so what do I really know” story. Both feel completely true, but they’re also both ways of avoiding the messiness of just… not knowing how it’ll go.
The little voice inside of me often whispers, “I wonder how people will actually engage and what they’ll get out of it.”
The trick is learning to hit pause and notice: “Oh, there I go again with that story.” When I catch myself thinking “The is is going to be great, because I’m prepared,” I ask: “What else could be happening here?” Maybe the community members will teach me things I couldn’t have prepared for. Maybe bringing fresh eyes to moderation will help me see what’s actually needed rather than what I assume is needed.
And when I wonder about my experience level – same pause, same question. Maybe my willingness to learn is more valuable than having done it before. Maybe the community will create something together that none of us could have predicted. That sounds amazing and it could be the best reason to keep giving it my best shot!
Here’s what I’m learning: the stories we defend most fiercely are usually the ones most worth questioning. Having the right mindset means getting out of my own way. The “inside work” isn’t about conquering doubts or building confidence – in this case, it’s about staying curious enough to prepare the best environment for the member’s optimal experience. That means the questions, the format, the rules, the amount of time, the cadence, the reflection, etc… all need to be considered through the eyes of the member.
The beautiful thing is you don’t have to throw out your stories entirely. Just hold them a bit more loosely and say to yourself, “this might be what’s happening” instead of “this is definitely what’s happening.”
That space between certainty and curiosity? That’s where the real learning begins.
