Kyle's Story of his road to incarceration

Prison Culture 

When I was living my life on the outside, coming to prison was the furthest thing on my mind, even though I was living a life that would inevitably lead to my incarceration. And the one aspect that would have helped me transition and better acclimate to prison is a basic understanding of the prison culture itself. 

Prison culture is basically a unique culture within a culture. Violence is commonplace and even encouraged, and so is the notion that if you are not in a gang you are perceived as weak. Also, religion is oftentimes radicalized in prison. 

Just knowing what to watch out for and be aware of would have certainly made the transition better for me. Luckily, I was able to navigate the prison culture through my willingness to learn and educate myself. I was fortunate enough to surround myself with guys who are wanting to better themselves and avoid the guys who were up to no good. I didn't try to be someone I wasn't, like a lot of individuals in prison. The basic principles apply if it doesn't concern you: keep out of it, don't gamble or owe anybody anything, treat others the way you would like to be treated. These principles about prison culture are standard and universal. On the other hand, if you're looking for trouble it is not hard to find and might end up costing you more than you are willing to pay – possibly your very life. 

My first year or two in prison undoubtedly paved the way for the rest of my incarceration. After processing at Central Prison in Raleigh, North Carolina I was sent to Lanesboro Correctional Institute. The environment at Lanesboro was different from what I had seen in the county jail or anywhere else for that matter. Violent gangs, corruption and drugs played a part in the prison population. The only way to avoid the worst living environments at Lanesboro was to sign up for school and take educational classes. Many of the individuals who signed up for the programs at least had something on their mind and were willing to learn. All these educational programs were taught by the local community college and offered actual College Level Training and credits.

I made the decision to make the best of my situation and take as many classes as were available to me. But prison doesn't really offer or provide resources to the incarcerated, at least not as far as offering incentives for taking such educational programming. The only benefit one would receive is a meal upon completion of the class or program and a game (this term needs to be explained) of a few days towards their sentence. The only drawback to game days as they are called is that you can only work down your sentence so far. North Carolina is one of the few remaining states that is governed by mandatory minimum sentencing guidelines. which basically means that no matter how many days gain days an incarcerated individual earns they can still not work their release date below the minimum sentence issued by the judge. Such rigid sentencing guidelines don't take into account the character and conduct of the individuals who are really trying to change and succeed upon release. 

What I imagined prison to be has changed over the years. The notion that people cannot change or better themselves while incarcerated is erroneous. If change isn't the goal of criminal punishment then what is? Prison for some can be used as preparation for reentry back into society by gaining the skills and trade needed to succeed upon their eventual release. However, many of those who are going to be released fail to take advantage of the programs offered to them because they lack incentive. 

Prison can be a place of punishment for those who refuse to take responsibility and try to better themselves through educational opportunities while incarcerated. The old saying rings true: those who fail to plan plan to fail. My vision of what prison is supposed to be radically differs from my understanding of what I know prison to actually be.. I believe that by utilizing the educational opportunities provided, incarcerated individuals can change and become productive law-abiding members of society when released. 

My path to prison 

My path to a prison sentence started at a young age and began innocently enough. I was born July 6th 1984 in Boone, North Carolina to Michael and Cheryl. I have one sibling, a sister named Michelle. I was raised in the tight-knit Green Valley Community and resided there up until my incarceration. The community where I grew up was basically out in the country, so I spent most of my free time out in the woods either hunting or fishing in the creek. I developed a love for everything outdoors, whether it was camping, hiking, boating or simply playing outdoor sports. 

During elementary school I was involved in extracurricular activities such as playing baseball, football, basketball, and Cub scouts. After graduating I then attended and graduated from Watauga High School in 2002. While attending Watauga High School I participated in playing junior varsity football, Junior And varsity baseball, Boy Scouts, as well as Park and Recreation baseball and softball. My parents worked hard for a living and were supportive of me and my sister playing sports. They instilled in me the value of working hard to achieve goals in life, on the field and off the field. 

I never really liked school and believe that if it were not for sports I would have never graduated high school. Of course, like any adolescent boy my age, women were my favorite subject in school, as well as physical education class. School has always been a struggle for me because of being diagnosed with a learning disability that made it hard for me to understand and retain information. Throughout Elementary School and High school, I was placed in the special education program that allowed me to have my tests read to me and to have extended time when I took tests or exams. Also, I was allowed to have a recording device to record the class lectures so that I could listen and learn from them while at home. Needless to say, my academic success suffered tremendously because of my learning disability. 

Drug Abuse

I began experimenting with drugs and alcohol at an early age as a way of fitting in with older, more popular kids. It all started by smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. In the 7th grade I began smoking Marijuana and drinking alcohol on the weekends. During this time period I was actively involved in playing sports throughout the work week and on the weekends, so my parents never suspected my drug and alcohol use and abuse. 

By the 8th grade I had begun to experiment with hallucinogens such as LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. Upon attending Watauga High School I was quickly received into the In Crowd because of my athletic ability. Because of being so readily received, I began to feel on top of the world and as though I were someone, but in all reality I was nobody. I continued to use

and sell drugs throughout high school. It was not until I graduated high school and moved out on my own that I began to experiment with pain pills, cocaine and methamphetamines. Before long my addiction to pain pills, cocaine, and methamphetamines began to take its toll on my life, which ultimately led me to voluntarily be admitted into a rehab center, the Life Center of Galax. 

After being released from rehab I quickly relapsed. I then began to use and sell drugs again as a way to support my addiction. At the same time, I was attending a local community college with the hope of eventually enrolling at Appalachian State University. Despite this, I was not very motivated or interested in school at the time. For the next two years I attended the local community college with little, to no success. Shortly thereafter, I enrolled at another college. After attending for only one year, I had to drop multiple classes because I was not interested in school any longer and my drug addiction had become unbearable at that point. My drug use had gone from a sometime thing to an everyday thing. I had become a full-blown addict – cocaine and alcohol were my drugs of choice. They gave me a sense of purpose, entitlement, and invincibility that I craved. From that point forward my life was chaotic all the time and I began to associate with individuals who were unsavory, which in turn eventually led to my incarceration. 

Prison Life 

I am currently serving a 40 to 50 year, one month, and 25-day prison sentence for my involvement in a death. I was initially charged with first-degree murder but entered into a plea agreement with the state to avoid the death penalty. I plead guilty to a misdemeanor DWI, 2nd degree murder, first degree kidnapping, robbery with a dangerous weapon, burning a personal property, and conspiracy to sell cocaine. I was 21 years old at the time of my incarceration. Prior to my incarceration, I had gotten a possession of alcohol ticket and later got a DWI shortly after turning 21. 

Being incarcerated for the last 18+ years has made me realize the importance of having family and friends that really care about you. One thing you will find out, once you get incarcerated it won't take long before you realize exactly who your real friends are. Fortunately for me my family has been unwavering in their support for me. I have had a few friends stick with me through my incarceration, many of whom are Christian and genuinely care about me. But a lot of people try to cut ties with you when you are incarcerated, because they don't want the stigma of being friends with a criminal attached to them, when in reality they were never a real friend to begin with. 

Over the years I have built true and lasting friendships not only with the people on the outside but those on the inside as well. The only hindrance to cultivating and nurturing friendships and family relations is the accessibility to the people on the outside. This makes it hard on both parties. Phone calls are expensive and the mailing system is confusing to all parties involved. There are so many restrictions and do's and don'ts that it's like why even bother with it at all. Basically the connection to the free world, those on the outside, is drastically limited upon incarceration. Therefore the incarcerated and those on the outside suffer from being hindered from talking with their family, friends, and loved ones. Family and friends are important to the mental health and physical well-being of all those who are incarcerated. 

Day to day life in prison 

The average day for me in prison begins at 6:00 a.m. I wake up and make my morning cup of coffee and wash my face as I wait for breakfast to be served. Breakfast is normally served around 6:30 a.m. After I eat and finish my cup of coffee, I brush my teeth and take my thyroid medication. At 7:00 a.m., I get my tablet which is used to make phone calls, watch movies and play games. I receive mail, and send text messages to those who are approved. Once I check my messages, I spend the next 30 to 45 minutes praying and reading my Bible. 

At 8:00 a.m., they call work and school. I leave my cell block and go to work as a field minister. I usually work till around 10:30 a.m. and then report back to the cell block before count time at 11:00 a.m. Lunch is served around the same time. Count usually clears around 11:30 a.m. and I leave the cell block and go back to work until 3:30 to 4:00 p.m. My work duties as a field Minister include, but are not limited to, teaching and co-facilitating Bible studies, teaching thinking for a change and Father's accountability, tutoring, and counseling.

I get back around 4:00 p.m. for the rest of the day. I stay locked down for the most part. Around 6:30 p.m. I come out and take a shower and lock back down. We go to the canteen / commissary three times a week at night. Most nights after taking my shower and going to the canteen, the rest of the night is spent talking to my family and friends on the phone, writing or doing Sudoku puzzles. This is my schedule Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, I only work half a day,. but otherwise, the basic routine is the same. Every once in a while, I will make it outside on the yard but not all that often at this institution. 

The worst day 

The worst day for me in prison happened some 14 years or so ago. I was pretty new to prison at the time. It started by being asked to play a hand of cards at the poker table for a guy who went out of the block to make a phone call. I played the hand dealt to me and raised a guy. He felt some type of way about it and threatened me and everyone at the card table. I asked him who he was talking to and he pretty much insinuated me and everyone else at the table, so I stood up and told the guy running the poker table to count up my money because I had the winning hand and went to my room. 

I told the guy to come into my room and we would settle our dispute. It was probably the worst fight I've ever been in. By the time it was all said and done, there was blood all over the room. The thing is, the guy who I got in a fight with is known for stabbing people. That night after the fight, I slept with a handmade shiv wrapped in my hand. That way if the door opened while I was asleep and he came into the room, I would be ready. 

I don't think I slept much that night. First thing in the morning, once the day room opened up he came into my room and asked if I wanted to fight again. He had two shivs in his hand and said he would throw them on the bed and we would go about fighting and stabbing each other. I reasoned with him and we were able to let bygones be bygones.

Bachelor of Arts 

As for my best day in prison, I would have to say when I graduated from the North Carolina field minister program and my parents were able to come to Nash Correctional Facility to see me graduate in person from the college at Southeastern with a Bachelor of Arts degree in pastoral ministry. For me, it was probably the greatest accomplishment of my life, combined with the fact of having both my parents there to see me walk across the stage and receive my degree. Afterwards, we were able to share a meal together and spend time with one another. 

In December of 2021, I graduated from the North Carolina field Minister program with a Bachelor of Arts degree in pastoral Ministry from the college at southeastern. The North Carolina Field Ministry program is a collaborative effort in which Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary partnered with the North Carolina Department of Public Safety prisons along with Joe Gibbs game plan for life to offer long-term offenders a moral rehabilitation program for the purpose of enacting change within the North Carolina Prison system. As a graduate of the field Ministry program, I now help others who have been sentenced to long sentences by directing them on a path to succeed by taking rehabilitative classes and programs in prison which subsequently will help them succeed when they are released. 

Finding faith 

The moment my life radically changed and I turned my life around stems from waking up one day at my wit's end. Most of my days were spent chasing drugs, money and gambling. but no matter how hard I tried to fill the void inside, I woke up each day feeling helpless and broken inside. I knew I couldn't keep on living like this. 

Later that day, I was in the dining hall when somebody called out my name. I looked around and saw it was coming from an older convict named Jerry. He asked “why don't you come to church tonight?” There is a good preacher coming to speak. I instantly thought to myself, are all preachers good? I wrestled with myself the whole rest of the day, mainly against going to church that night, though when it was called over the loudspeaker, I found myself going to church for the first time in quite a long while.

A preacher by the name of Rocky was preaching about salvation, stuff like what it truly means to have Christ in your life, and how can you know that you're truly saved. Those words stuck in my mind, but they were not as important as when he said, you have to be lost before you can be found. It was at that moment I realized “hey Kyle this preacher is talking about you.” 

At that moment I felt as Saul did on the road to Damascus. I had worked so hard at not being a Christian, to the point where it made me see I was never one to start with as far as obeying God's commands and living a life that was consistent with the Bible. Yeah, I played the part to add to my facade and to gain the approval of others, but I had never been real about it. So when I got back to my cell, I got down on my knees and cried out “Lord Jesus if you're willing to have me, here I am!” I let everything go that day and surrendered it all to the Lord, including my addiction problem, my pride, the guilt, the shame, and all the bitterness which had blinded me for so long. However, Jesus Christ set me free that day. After turning my life over to the lord,  I started experiencing things such as love, joy, peace in my life and just how good it felt to help other people. It was always the simple things people appreciated the most. like when people would ask me to pray for them or their sick family member, or offer them soup when they were hungry. Since that day I have never been the same. 

What would I change about incarceration? 

Over the years, I have been thinking about what one thing the government could do to make incarceration a more humane experience. My answer would be to get the communities involved in the rehabilitation and reentry efforts. 

Being incarcerated is punishment enough as it is  and if prison is only to be used as a place of punishment and the goal is not to rehabilitate, then what is humane about such punishment? 

Furthermore, if the root of the problem is not addressed regarding what caused an individual to commit a crime in the first place, then they are destined to fail upon release.

In the last decade alone, the crime rate has exploded as more and more individuals are committing crimes. As is often the case, substance abuse, mental illness, financial desperation, and low economic status are contributing factors to this surge of criminal activity. The citizens of our society have responded by demanding tougher punishment for crime. The legislatures who make our laws, the prosecutors who enforce them, and the judges who impose the sentence are politicians who are elected or appointed. They are literally falling all over themselves to prove which one is tougher on crime than the next, resulting in a tremendous increase in the prison population. 

Because of this, the prisons are full. Most states cannot build prisons fast enough to house the increasing prison populations. The states cannot afford to meet the demand to keep all the prisoners locked up, yet the people in the criminal justice system keep increasing the prison population in response to the constituents' demand to get reelected. The prison system has responded by taking away more and more services to save money, including rehabilitation programs. 

I have benefited from what few rehabilitative services that are offered in prison and feel that other incarcerated men and women would benefit as well if more emphasis and effort were placed on such services I have taken a plethora of educational and trade classes which are offered in prisons, classes such as thinking for a change, father's accountability, developmental studies, CE maintenance, cabinet making, reasoning and rehabilitation, and anger and stress management. 

But the very programs which rehabilitate incarcerated individuals within the criminal justice system, are the very ones being discontinued daily. By de-emphasizing rehabilitation, Society is losing a portion of incarcerated individuals, who in turn can become law-abiding tax paying, contributing members of society. Rehabilitation needs to be emphasized as an aspect of criminal punishment when it comes to sentencing and future release. I believe with all my heart that there are ways to improve prisons by offering more rehabilitative services which will benefit society as a whole. However, for this to happen, the politicians, legislators, judges, and prosecutors need to take an honest look at our current criminal justice system and seek for it to improve. Rehabilitation needs to be the focal point, but the only way for this to transpire is by initiating prisoner reform.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned from being in prison is that people do change and that one mistake doesn't define a person. There are some genuinely good people in prison for crimes they committed when they were young or under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I believe if they were to be released today, they wouldn't reoffend and would be productive members of society. 

However, their transformation came through educational and rehabilitative efforts afforded to them while they were incarcerated. Most proactively took advantage of such opportunities and excelled. When I got arrested and sent to prison, I vowed to better myself because I wanted to give myself the best shot at reentering society if the opportunity ever arose. Sure, not everyone who gets out of prison is fit to reenter society, but I believe if communities and organizations got more involved, then the recidivism rate would be reduced. Like I mentioned above, more incentives should be offered for taking educational classes and rehabilitation programs. 

The most important thing people who have never been incarcerated should know is that those who are incarcerated are people too. People who have made a mistake, sure. But people who are fathers, sons, mothers, uncles, and cousins to someone. Most of whom were never given a proper upbringing or had a father or mother figure in their life to lead and guide them. 

Poverty and addiction are probably common within their household or the environment they were living in. Although that is not the case with me, it is for so many individuals who are incarcerated. At the end of the day, all anyone wants to do is feel love or acceptance, on even the most basic level. 

Did people make mistakes?

Sometimes those mistakes have harsh consequences, but that doesn't necessarily mean that an individual is a bad or evil person. The perception is that those who are in prison are lower class citizens. Yet some of the smartest, most talented and gifted individuals I have ever met have been incarcerated. Don't ever judge a book by its cover, or even an incarcerated individual because they are criminals because you don't want to put forth the effort or the time to actually get to know them.